Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
