that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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