Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this just has baby written all over it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
