Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
