Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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