My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
