Quick, to the slutcave!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
