Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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