Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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