You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
