two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
