He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
