so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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