when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
