I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
