I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
