Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
