Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
