I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
