I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
