You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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