It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
