Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
