This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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