Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
