You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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