Do you still have your period?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
