So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
