i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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