Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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