Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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