just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
