True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
