How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We were destined to go to rehab together
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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