The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
