you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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