dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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