note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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