My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
