Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
