how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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