I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
