What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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