new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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