she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
