if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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