she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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