she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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