The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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