Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
