Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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