I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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