You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
