after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
