This is not my ceiling
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
