Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
