I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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