I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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