there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
