I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
