I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
