You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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