guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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