I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
