there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
