And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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