You just made me feel so damn special
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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