I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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