Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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