absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
