The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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