okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
