I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
