I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
