Already got asked if we're dating
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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