Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
