dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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