hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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