At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
