Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
