Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
