Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
