You really coming over, don't trick.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
how does that bad decision feel?
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