I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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