I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
