I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
