Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
