she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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