You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
birth control should be required to get into college
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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