Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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