and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize