thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
