i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
