Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
