took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
