i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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