Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
