belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I could fuck to npr.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
