Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
