I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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